Haven’t done these in a while.
During the times I have absolutely nothing to do but have that “ONE” thing on my mind, I go blank. I sit in my room staring at the ceiling for I don’t even know how long, just waiting. Waiting for perhaps, the moments that used to be. I go to sleep to try to get my mind off, and I wake up, and “that’s” the first thing I think about. Seems like I got nothing else to do but think about what’s gonna happen next. Am I gonna get a call, a text, a surprise, something, just something that’ll finally spark this up again. Ya I know things are slow right now, and it’s hard to cope with everything when things don’t seem to progress anyway. What’s NEW? .. really? Same shit, different day. No money, no job, no car, just a bunch of plans/goals/dreams waiting to come to reality. When am I ever gonna feel like things are going to go back the way they lightweight used to be? The feelings are definitely there, the conversations are just, well, dry. Maybe it’s something “we’ve” gotten used to already, that it’s just the same things said on a different day. I’m trying my best to think of something new to come up with, but there’s just no spark. I have that feeling of complete dryness, like almost plain and dead.
I want it all back, not everything (because it’s obvious the beginning stage won’t be coming back again) but just the things that spark the both of us to DO SOMETHING.
It used to be nonstop talking, then things that we got used to, to daily “routines” or things “we always do,” to idk… it’s like back to when we weren’t that close, but with a twist. Things that I used to say everyday, every second, every minute; the things I think about every time, it’s all there, but I guess I’m just waiting. What am I even waiting for? Seriously. Sometimes I feel like I wait all this time, and get my hopes up to something different, but there’s nothing. I’ve thought about this too long, but I still put the effort everyday to stay strong to keep it together.
EDIT: ya, didn’t even consider it. What’s the point of me doing what I do when I don’t feel the same feelings back to me. Completely killed my night. I don’t even want a spring break, pointless anyway.